Comeuppance
by Mellaithwen
Summary: She hadn't shed her tears over his death, and she barely even looked at the new arrival. It was time Piper Halliwell faced up to the fact, that she was fast becoming a bad mother.


**Comeuppance**

**By Mellaithwen**

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**Rating: K+**

**Genre: Angst**

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**Disclaimer: I don't own Charmed. If I did, then I sure as hell wouldn't keep killing off the best bloody characters…the quotes used belong to their respective creators that are mentioned straight after.**

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**Summary: She hadn't shed her tears over his death, and she barely even looked at the new arrival. It was time Piper Halliwell faced up to the harsh realities, that she was fast becoming a bad mother.**

**Slightly pointless, but who here _hasn't_ imagined having a go at Piper?**

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_"People pay for what they do, and still more, for what they have allowed themselves to become. And they pay for it simply: by the lives they lead." - Edith Wharton,_

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"Bye, honey." Leo said, kissing his wife, and his sons before shining back to magic school with a red glow, a spell having been cast for the headmaster to find easier access to the school than constantly having to conjure a door. He had brought the children back later than usual, loving any chance to play with them in the day-care classroom, a place he visited an awful lot. He had realised how lonely Piper must be and had decided to return the boys for bed, very aware of how much work he hadn't gotten done that day.

Piper looked around the kitchen. Alone in the house. Again. Phoebe had been working late more recently, enjoying the chance to work in the peaceful array of the office at night, while Paige was once again attempting to find herself. Piper sighed, picking up the handle of the baby seat where Chris sat, content with the small toy chain running from one side to the other, while Wyatt sat with his teddy bear, moving the arms up and down as though he were making it wave to him.

"Wyatt, come on, honey." She called to the boy, holding out a hand for her oldest to hold on to as they walked up the stairs, but quickly felt the bright sensation of orbing as they appeared in the nursery. "What the-?" She looked down at her oldest, smiling. "Now that's just lazy, Mister."

She took Chris out of his seat, unfastening the small chain so that he could continue to play with it, and placed him in his cot while she proceeded to help Wyatt change into his pyjamas and tuck him in, kissing him on the forehead. She turned back to Chris who was now lying on his back, legs in the air, as he sucked one of the dangling plastic pieces of the harmless chain. Piper gently tugged it away, putting it on the bedside table, and changed her baby boy into his baby blue pyjamas and set him down carefully, making sure he was wrapped up in a blanket.

"Goodnight." She whispered from the doorway, walking away and closing it carefully.

She walked downstairs, and found, surprisingly enough, someone sitting in the living room. Her back was turned to Piper, but the oldest Charmed witch didn't recognize the build or the hair for that matter.

"Who are you?" Piper asked the female, who had arrived without invitation. "Answer me or I swear to god I will blow you up so fast-." But her retort was lost as she was cut off.

"I'm not a demon, but you already know that."

She had, somehow, known that yes this figure was no demon, and was not there to kill her, but still she was wary, and proceeded to repeat the question. "Who are you?"

"Would it hurt you to look a little sad?"

"Excuse me?"

"You know, sniff a little, listen to depressing music, reminisce of times gone by, regrets etcetera."

"What are you talking about?"

"You, and you being stubborn. Oh yeah, and your son, Chris."

"You stay away from him." Maternal instinct was not lost on this woman.

"See, you act all concerned now, but then you won't even give him the time of day."

"I don't know who you are but you sure as hell better leave now."

"Would it help if I said something like I was the Angel of, I don't know, guilt, or maybe anger, hell I'd even take selfishness if it would make you listen."

Piper was shaking with anger and annoyance but the female continued to speak.

"Grieving is a part of life, so why the hell won't you? What kind of person doesn't grieve for that kind of loss?"

"How dare you! You come into my house, telling me how to grieve-."

"No Piper, I'm telling you TO grieve!"

"-What right do you have? Get out of my house before I blow you to pieces."

"No Piper, I'm not leaving until I see you cry."

"What!"

"You heard me; I'm not leaving until you can prove you're a good mother."

"A good mother! What? What the hell is going on here?"

"I had to be strong, I couldn't just break down, Leo was-."

"There's a fine line between being strong and cold Piper, and you passed it a long time ago."

"No, I love my son!"

"Oh please, you barely even notice him, he's just a means to an end! Chris grows up to save Wyatt, that's it! You don't care about him enough to spend more than five minutes with him!"

"Don't you da-."

"No Piper, I will dare! God, at least Leo is making a slight effort, but you? You're just being a bitch!"

"You don't even know me!"

"I know you plenty Mrs Halliwell! You cower away because you don't want to face up to the fact that you let him down!"

"I wasn't even there!"

"And that makes it okay? You made him suffer and not just on his death bed."

"Look, Leo went off the hinges after Chris died-."

"No, Leo went off the hinges when his son was kidnapped and almost killed by his mentor. I'm surprised any of you even remember Chris!"

Small cries echoed around the living room, and Piper began to climb the stairs.

"He's not him Piper. He never will be. Twenty-three year old Chris died, and with it went everything he stood for, everything he cared about because he will never exist. War changes a man in ways you can't even imagine. You lost a son Piper, it doesn't matter if you gained another, because you.still.lost.Chris."

"Leave me alone!"

"What kind of mother doesn't remember what her son was wearing the last time she saw him!"

"What?"

"You heard me, what was he wearing Piper, what colour were his clothes? What was his hair like, what shoes were he wearing?"

She scaled another step, the wailing increasing.

"Piper, when was the last time you went into the backroom of P3 and noticed it used to be his? When was the last time you went in there for any other reason but to get forms, or drinks stored in there for the time being!"

Piper swallowed. She had scaled the remaining steps and was now on the landing with Piper, and they slowly heard the cries dwindle down. Wyatt having orbed the teddy bear back to its place by his brothers side after taking it for himself and quickly regretting it when his little brother reacted badly.

"When was the last time you held Chris and smiled? Really smiled? When he was born wasn't it, and even then it was probably the drugs still in your system!" The voice of cruelty brought Piper back to the present.

"Don't."

"Don't what Piper? Don't tell the truth, well tough I'm telling it! Why should I be nice to you? He gave his life for the future! He risked everything, and you won't even grace his memory with a single tear!"

"Stop it." She was shaking her head, stepping backwards, trying to block it all out.

"No! What was the last thing he said to you, Piper? What were the last words you heard him speak?"

"_I love you so much, mom."_

How could she forget?

"Look at you! You won't even love the child you've been given let alone the one you've lost!"

"Of course I love him!" It felt so odd to have to convince someone else, a stranger of how much she loved her son. If this person knew her then surely that would enough.

"Prove it!" The harsh words returned, and Piper blanched.

"How am I supposed to prove something like that?"

Then she was right in front of her, a hair away. Her breathing prickling on Piper's skin.

"Hold him in your arms, and love him, and never stop being thankful for being able to try again, to keep him safe. And when he needs you, be there. And when he doesn't need you, be there, and when he tries to shut you out. Stay. That's how you prove it. You prove it with time." She stopped. "Because one day, you're going to lose it all, just like everyone else, and you never know what you have until you lose it."

Silence for a moment, then.

"Don't be one of those people Piper, just grieve, and then hold him and love him. That's all."

And that was it. She disappeared as though a wind had taken her away with the leaves. She hadn't shimmered, or orbed, or flamed, or anything. She had just gone. And now that she wasn't there, Piper couldn't remember what she had looked like. Indeed the resemblance to the Halliwell line was clearly there, but her features didn't scream out a name of familiarity, instead, it was almost as if she kept changing, subtly so much that Piper only realised now. In fact, it was almost like looking in the mirror toward the end of their heated debate. Maybe that's what she had been doing.

Her own conscience aware the guilt she hadn't realised she'd held. Until it had come out in torrents.

Her hands shook uncontrollably as she found herself crumpling to the ground. Sobs engulfed her every being, every cell of her body grieving, suppressed emotions being uncorked from their bottle. Tipping out onto a rough surface, uncontrollable and erratic.

She sat, her knees drawn up to her chest, and cried, and grieved, and mourned for her baby boy. She cried for not being there when he was hurting, for not saving him, she grieved for the loss, the pain she longed to have spared him, the unbearable thought that she had found him only to lose him so suddenly. She mourned for it all, and realised closure was impossible.

Most people, normal people –if such a race exists- have funerals, and sometimes that's enough, and then others visit graves and sometimes that's all they needed, sometimes it takes time to accept that the loved one is gone, and maybe visiting a favourite place is the solution. But what was she supposed to do? She had no idea what his favourite place had been, and even if she did, she wouldn't understand the significance, it would be an insult to him. A crude attempt by a selfish woman. There had been no funeral, and there certainly wasn't a grave when his body –from what Leo had told her- had merely disappeared.

She had nothing but a little baby, who curled up towards the wall as he slept, his little fists bunched up, trying to hold onto the blanket that was spread across him. A little tiny boy, with little tiny hands, and little tiny toes and a little tiny nose.

She wanted to hold him suddenly, and found herself running full speed up to the nursery. She knew he was asleep, and she knew she would regret it, well aware of how fussy he would be because of it, but she needed to do this. She opened the door gingerly, flipping only the switch for the small nightlight, casting a soft orange glow, enough for her to find her way to the cot, and wait for a moment, before gently lifting up the tiny bundle and holding him close. He adjusted in his sleep to this new and very different bed that was his mother's arms. His fists stayed clenched, and Piper couldn't help but hold them in her hand that seemed so big in comparison. His cheeks were still a little wet from his fit of crying earlier, but he seemed perfectly happy as he slept on.

She couldn't stop grinning, and couldn't believe she hadn't done it before. She couldn't believe she had never truly embraced the joy she know felt so easily. She couldn't quite comprehend how stupid she'd been, how stubborn, and reluctant. A part of her had been afraid to connect, because of the chance that that was her little boy's destiny, like the rest of them. To die young, far before his time, at the hands of the family's enemies.

She didn't want that for her children, but it would happen. It was inevitable. And that was life, why be in denial, if it's only going to hurt Chris in the process. It was better to deal with it now, and if that was Chris' destiny, then she would make the most of the some twenty years they had until then. She would cherish every moment with her son's as though the world was going to end each and every day, and they would always live it to its fullest. Always.

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_"Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today." - James Dean_

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End file.
